BELL MOONEY: Why Can\'t My Mean Dad And Cold In Laws Be Better Grandparents?

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? 

A terrible thing: no one to blame.

Erica Jong (American novelist, b 1942)


Dear Bel,

My mother died when I was 13 years old. The emptiness and heartache has never left me. This is the price of love.

I adored her, being with her made me truly happy. I was left with a father who drank, was abusive and did not care about me. I have only seen him four times in 29 years.

Twenty-six years ago, I married a wonderful man and we have three sons. I longed to have my mother’s love and guidance, to share my children’s lives. She’d have been a truly amazing granny.

Sadly, I knew I could never trust my father with my children, so my sons have only seen him three times in their lives — though he felt he had a right to see them.

I have never stopped the boys (all now over 18) from seeing him: they simply don’t want to. He is a stranger, he just happens to be the man who made me. I hoped that when I married I would have a strong relationship with my (divorced) mother and father-in-law.

This I yearned for, but that bond did not happen. My in-laws made it very clear I was not good enough for their son.

So when I was pregnant there was no sign of happiness from them. I was given no help and they never made any effort to see their grandchildren.

I have tried to make the relationships work, but no matter what I did, it simply was not good enough.

Please help me understand why unforgivably bad parents think they have a right to access young human lives not created by them? And why some parents, given the opportunity to have a loving relationship with their daughter-in-law and grandchildren, refuse it?


My first advice to you is to stop worrying about this. Nothing can be changed so please don’t waste emotional energy asking ‘why?’

Source :

BEL MOONEY: Why can't my mean dad and cold in-laws be better grandparents?
Why I’ve Stopped Singing in Your Church
Why Do People Believe Scientifically Untrue Things?
THIS is why we invest in science. This.
Senate Judiciary Committee Hearing for Nomination of Judge Mukasey as Attorney General
Ask the Best and Brightest: Your Entire Car Owning History Please
Social Liberalism as Class Warfare
Once A Church, Now A Junkie Barn
Glenn Beck: An Hour With Author Vince Flynn
Two dead, three with serious injuries after accident on Kansas Highway 10 near Eudora
[LIMITED STOCK!] Related eBay Products