BELL MOONEY: Why Can\'t My Mean Dad And Cold In Laws Be Better Grandparents?

Take your life in your own hands and what happens? 

A terrible thing: no one to blame.

Erica Jong (American novelist, b 1942)

 

Dear Bel,

My mother died when I was 13 years old. The emptiness and heartache has never left me. This is the price of love.

I adored her, being with her made me truly happy. I was left with a father who drank, was abusive and did not care about me. I have only seen him four times in 29 years.

Twenty-six years ago, I married a wonderful man and we have three sons. I longed to have my mother’s love and guidance, to share my children’s lives. She’d have been a truly amazing granny.

Sadly, I knew I could never trust my father with my children, so my sons have only seen him three times in their lives — though he felt he had a right to see them.

I have never stopped the boys (all now over 18) from seeing him: they simply don’t want to. He is a stranger, he just happens to be the man who made me. I hoped that when I married I would have a strong relationship with my (divorced) mother and father-in-law.

This I yearned for, but that bond did not happen. My in-laws made it very clear I was not good enough for their son.

So when I was pregnant there was no sign of happiness from them. I was given no help and they never made any effort to see their grandchildren.

I have tried to make the relationships work, but no matter what I did, it simply was not good enough.

Please help me understand why unforgivably bad parents think they have a right to access young human lives not created by them? And why some parents, given the opportunity to have a loving relationship with their daughter-in-law and grandchildren, refuse it?

TESS    

My first advice to you is to stop worrying about this. Nothing can be changed so please don’t waste emotional energy asking ‘why?’

Source : http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-5185289/BELL-MOONEY-dad-laws-better.html

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